Thursday, February 23, 2006

Chekov: Phaser banks energized, Kiptain

Christians are about to run out of cheeks to turn:

Nigeria's main Christian body has said it may no longer be able to contain Christians from retaliating after Muslim rioters killed dozens of Christians and torched churches.... "May we at this stage remind our Muslim brothers that they do not have the monopoly of violence in this nation," Anglican Archbishop Peter Akinola said in a statement.... Sectarian fighting is often stoked by politicians seeking to bolster their own power bases, while violence in one part of the country often sparks reprisal killings elsewhere.

McCoy: [on the bridge of the Enterprise, standing in front of the viewscreen] This is barbaric! Jim, how can you just sit there and watch this? Order an away team to stop the carnage!

Kirk: Bones, you know I can't do that. My career's on the line here. I can't meddle in the evolution of another pathetic jurassic species yet again. I'm with you on this. Damn the Prime Directive! But they're going to fry my ass if I do another John Wayne (or was that Dirty Harry?). [Swivels his chair] Lieutenant Uhura, could you check that ancient idiom?

Uhura: Right away, Captain.

Spock: [peering down his scope at his station] Gentlemen, if I may. Bioscans and tricorder readings indicate that the genetic predisposition of this lifeform is, at its cranial core, fundamentally reptilian in nature. Intriguingly, coupled with its cortex its aggression has over its evolutionary been facilitated by its tool-making capacity. Higher functions and abilities notwithstanding, these have in fact been co-opted by the brain stem to serve its reflexive response to environmental stimuli. Given the data my calculations indicate that there is a mere 0.01437 probability that natural selection forces, anytime within the next 500,000 years, will result in an attenuation of its encoded propensity toward violence and mutual annihilation. [Straightens up and faces Kirk] Captain, all data we have on this species point to only one conclusion: this lifeform will, ironically in its bid to survive, eventually destroy itself. For yet unknown reasons the blind forces of nature seem to have created a most efficient killing machine that culminates in self-extinction. (Fascinating.) Captain, intervening in this one instance will have no effect on the aggressive tendencies of this species or its, as you would say, destiny. May I suggest moving on to the next world?

Kirk: [sneers] Thank you, Mr. Spock, for that most dispassionate and irrefutable analysis. (Sometimes I wish your human side wouldn't be so repressed.) Bones, take a seat. Mr. Sulu, all ahead Warp Factor 1.

Sulu: Aye, aye, Captain. Ahead Warp Factor One.

McCoy: [walks up to the Science Officer] You're disgusting, Spock. You haven't got an ethical bone cell in your Vulcan anatomy.

Spock: [sotto voce] On the contrary, Doctor. It will please you that I've surreptitiously readied the transporter room to beam a party of one down to the planet, complete with medical supplies and photon torpedoes.... We'll pick your fossil up on our way back.

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